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Ugly Babies

16 Oct

Every mother thinks her child is beautiful, after all, it is a part of herself, made into flesh and blood. How longingly grandparents search for the likeness of themselves in those little faces! Yes,babies are special, they smell good and they are deliciously soft and squishy.

Babies have been around forever; without them the human race cannot exist. We have to procreate. We do it with glee, fueled by hormones that drive the human body. Then when they are born, we photograph our little preciousses, and force other people to admire them too.

So why on earth did the old school painters make such a hideous job of painting them. I have yet to see a “Madonna and Child” where the “child” doesn look like a miniature adult. The proportions are all wrong. Have those old men never noticed that a baby has a huge head compared to its body? Did they not look carefully enough, or were they blinded by the beauty of their female models?

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Just look at that wee babby, for goodness’ sake, the length of his limbs, the size of his belly…his man boobs, his serious expression…that’s not a baby, that’s an alien!

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This one is a lot better. A little neckless wonder.The mother is gazing at the little tyke as if she is wondering how the heck she is going to get it to go to sleep.

Now if ever I saw a potential demon in a baby, it would be this one:

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Look at the size of his nose! See the dissipated expression in those eyes! The mother would do well to restrain him even tighter in case he gets away and wreaks havoc on Christendom! Pity the artist forgot to add horns!

The next one is really misshapen:

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What a long awkward body! How sorrowfully the mother is staring at him! How ready her hand is to slap him! How piously the angels are praying for him!

Now if ever you thought babies were happy to be incarcerated in a crib, think again. This mini-adult is about to flee. Can’t say I blame the wee mite.He must have seen what the saints were doing outside the room to another unfortunate creature. Look carefully, it is being put to death in flames. Nasty, eh?

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In this final image, I focused on the fellow with the baby. The baby is clearly a 20th century baby because it is so obese. Mum’s been to MacDonald’s once too often, methinks! But just look at the bloke, he is ready to eat that deliciousness! His squinty, eyes and bad dental hygiene are amazing! Punch him, baby, don’t take any nonsense from this guy!

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Disclaimer: The author is not an art historian, or have any knowledge of the artists now long deceased.

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4 Comments

Posted by on October 16, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “Ugly Babies

  1. cindylumac

    October 17, 2014 at 12:21 am

    Don’t hold anything back–the truth will set you free! Cynthia

     
    • Stardazer

      October 29, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Lol!! I am never the one people hand their babies to, they always cry when I hold them!

       
  2. The Wife of Bath

    October 25, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Wow, that last image is seriously creepy! What work of art is it? You may enjoy this site: http://squishyjesus.blogspot.com/

     
    • Stardazer

      October 29, 2014 at 9:45 pm

      It’s a very old painting I saw in the Frankfurt Art Museum, those poor Christians must have been so afraid of the Devil!

       

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